"Setting boundaries is an act of self-love." – Oprah Winfrey.
One of the core principles of mental health is setting boundaries. In this article, I’ll share more about boundaries and how they can impact your mental health.
What Are Boundaries?
Boundaries can be referred to as the invisible lines we set to protect ourselves and inner peace from other people's actions or excesses. They help us define where our limits are and protect our personal space, emotions, time and general well-being.
Boundaries help you take ownership of your life. They are there to ensure that your yes means yes and your no means no. Boundaries benefit mental health by reducing stress, preventing burnout, and helping you feel more in control.
Setting boundaries involves being clear about your needs, preferences, and values, as well as communicating these limits with others. They empower you to prioritize your needs, cultivate respect in relationships, and encourage a sense of security and self-esteem.
Boundaries can come in different forms. You can set physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, time boundaries, sexual boundaries and financial boundaries amongst many more.
Physical Boundaries
Setting physical boundaries involves anything about your personal space, materials or touch. It includes knowing what’s comfortable regarding closeness, physical contact, or privacy. Physical boundaries are a solid mental health technique that ensures that no one infringes on your privacy or goes past your comfort level regarding physical touch. It also saves you from uncomfortable situations.
Setting physical boundaries might mean telling your colleague who likes kisses as a form of greeting that you prefer a hug or a handshake rather than avoiding them or having to bear receiving a sloppy kiss when you in fact hate it.
Emotional Boundaries
Emotional Boundaries are limits on your emotions and the energy you invest in other people’s feelings. They include protecting yourself from being overly influenced or overwhelmed by others' emotions and ensuring that your feelings are validated.
Emotional boundaries can come in the form of you not disclosing your personal business to other people and in turn they don't disclose theirs to you. Sometimes, disclosing such might be an invitation for them to bring their own touching stories and you might not be mentally equipped to handle such.
Emotional boundaries mean taking ownership of how you feel and taking necessary steps to prevent negative feelings. For instance, if someone has a habit of shouting at you or talking down on you. You need to calmly communicate how you feel disrespected and how their manner of approach makes you feel. In doing so, you are setting a clear emotional boundary, protecting your mental health and ensuring that they respect your feelings going forward.
Sexual Boundaries
This is your right to sexual consent, preferences and privacy. They come in the form of intimacy that keeps you from going beyond your limits and ensuring you feel safe, comfortable and secure as against engaging in intimacy that feels pressured, unwanted or uncomfortable.
For example, if you are with your spouse and you are not comfortable with certain things they might be hinting or asking about and you'd like to take things slowly, you can communicate your feelings by saying “I want to let you know that I’m not comfortable with certain physical activities. I’ll let you know if or when I feel ready to go further.” That way, you have set a boundary based on what you are comfortable with at the moment.
This form of boundary is essential for mental well-being and can prevent misunderstandings. Asking for consent even within your marriage reinforces mutual respect and ensures that you have a satisfying relationship. Sexual boundaries are not just for yourself, they are also about respecting your spouse's boundaries and adjusting to each other’s comfort levels.
Time Boundaries
Time Boundaries help us prioritize our time and avoid overcommitting. It involves setting boundaries around the time you spend with others either via work or socializing. They also relate to respecting the time and availability of others. By doing this, you are protecting your mental health from feeling stressed or burnt out. It enables you to have a more balanced life. You can maintain time boundaries by creating a calendar and sticking to your schedule instead of sharing your time with anyone interested.
Financial Boundaries
Did you know that anxiety from financial stress can cause you to lose sleep?
Have you ever heard the story of someone who could remove the last shirt off his back to cloth someone while his family lacked? This is a typical example of someone without financial boundaries. People like this often put other people's needs above theirs and this is not always healthy for your mental health. Children sometimes tell stories of how selfless their parents were. They would give out money and food items while their children starved or lacked. Sometimes, people who grew up in such households often experience financial anxiety. They often stress or get scared about running out of money.
Creating financial boundaries helps to limit this. It is not to say that you shouldn't help people. It means creating personal guidelines that will determine how you manage, spend, and share or lend money to others. Setting financial boundaries ensures that even in your acts of generosity, your needs are met, and you are protected against lack and financial stress.
Healthy financial boundaries can come in the form of creating realistic budgets or openly communicating your financial limits by saying "no" when necessary, avoiding unnecessary spending that could strain your budget or avoiding commitments like going on vacations and trips, high-end shopping or dining that you clearly can't afford. It also means not bowing to pressure to make a purchase just because your friends are doing it.
Financial boundaries mean spending your money wisely, not lending out more than you should and avoiding debts. This helps to reduce money-related worries.
Each boundary serves as a crucial piece of personal well-being, offering a foundation that makes space for self-respect and balance in relationships with other people.
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